Worry

" Worry is like a rocking chair; it will give you something to do but it won't get you anywhere." - Calm My Anxious Hearth: A Woman's Guide to Finding Contentment

Once upon a time there were two monks...

"I need oil," said an ancient monk, so he planted an olive sapling. 

"Lord," he prayed, "it needs rain that its tender roots may drink and well. 

Send gentle showers." And the Lord sent gentle showers.

"Lord," prayed the monk, "my tree needs sun. Send sun, I pray thee."

And the sun shone, gilding the dripping clouds. 

"Now frost, my Lord, to brace its tissues," cried the monk. And behold, 

the little tree sparkling with frost, but at evening it died. 

Then the monk sought the cell of a brother monk, 

and told his strange experience. "I too,

planted a little tree," he said, "and see! It thrives well. 

But I entrust my tree to its God. He who made it knows 

better what it needs than a man like me. I laid no condition. 

I fixed not ways or means. 'Lord, send what it needs,'

I prayed, 'storm or sunshine, wind, rain, or frost. Thou

hast made it an Thou dost know.'"  

Mrs. Charles E. Cowman, Streams in the Desert (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1925), p. 108

Which monk describes you? I am for sure the first one. 

Are you playing out your given role in life with faithfulness?

Nine years ago I auditioned for the supporting role in my high school's fall play.  I didn't get the part. Instead I was given the small comic relief role. I cried for about a day and then moved on.  I ended up loving my given role and quickly forgot about my past heartache. 

What is my given role right now in life and am I am content with it?  Am I enjoying my given role? Presently, I have been given the role of being a teacher and single.  For many years I longed to become a teacher and now I am finally one.  Do I always enjoy it? No.  I am always faithful to my role? No, I find myself constantly complaining about it. But I wanted to be a teacher.  Do I like being single?  I feel like I have been crying for over ten years about getting the role of being single.  In her book, A Woman's Guide to Finding Contentment: Calm My Anxious Heart,  Linda Dillow talks about how each role in our life is a gift from God. Any role will have its ups and downs.  I guarantee you that my friends who are married or have kids too have rough days.  On the opposite side, each role is its own adventure! My new goal is to learn how to be faithful to the role God has given me. Not sure how this will work and I know hard days will still come.  You never know what you will encounter on an adventure ;)

To be content with who we are

"I would rather be what God chose to make me than the most glorious creature that I could think of; for to have been thought about, born in God's thought, and then made by God, is the dearest, grandest, and most precious thing in all thinking." - George MacDonald

This quote hit the core of my heart this morning. How many times have I thought in my life "If only I looked like this then maybe someone would want me." I could probably list off over a hundred lies that I have believed to why I am still single.  Most of these lies would say that I am not good enough.  But in the light of truth these thoughts are LIES. Just lies. We all have been purposefully created.  It is humbling and comforting at the same time to know that the God of the universe created me.

Don't miss the present, it might have once been a dream.

Do you ever have those days or maybe months where you just feel like nothing is going the way you want it to?  Funny how we think our plan is the right way :)  Well the past week was one of those times.  Plain and simple, I have been unhappy that I am not dating anyone or married. It all started when I received an wedding invitation this week. It was addressed to Miss Single and guest.  I really want to take a date to this wedding in particular.  There will be lots of dancing and I love to dance!  I began to cry as I thought about who I could ask (I receive lots of wedding invitations and this is the first one that made me cry).  There was no one.  The feeling of loneliness quickly took over.  Frustrated with myself, I finally took my thoughts to my journal this morning.   I sat outside on my cozy porch sipping hot tea while soaking in the crisp fall morning.  I started to write down all of the dreams that had come true in my life.  I was amazed to see how many dreams had actually come true.  Then it hit me that I was living out one of my dreams.  Since I was a little girl I had dreamed of living in this one particular neighborhood in my city.  The houses are old and full of character.  The streets are lined with old trees and wide sidewalks. Guess what? I now live in that neighborhood. How many times in our life do we miss our dreams coming true because we are waiting for the next best thing?  Do we miss out on living because we are always focused on the waiting?  I don't know what will happen in my life, but I have a peace that I know someone has created me to hope and dream and that my life is in His hands :)

Signing Off,
Still single but content 

The dreaded phrase " I'm just not that into you"

No matter if it's been one date, three months, or one year breaking things off with someone is never easy.   I feel like I do a miserable job of telling someone I am not interested.  I'm either way too blunt or drag it on by keeping saying no to dates and just not tell them how I really feel.  Part of it could be that I am "feeler" and overly care how the poor guy is going to feel. No matter what he is going to feel disappointment.  There is just no easy way.  I guess that is just part of the risk of dating. This whole arranged marriage concept is starting to sound better each day.

Yours Truly,
Still Simply Single

An Arranged Marriage

Would you ever agree to an arranged marriage? I'm not going to lie, I have definitely thought about it. This thought usually occurs when I am frustrated with my current dating life :)  Last night I had four of my favorite single gals over to watch the movie Arranged . This is an absolutely delightful movie! The movie follows the lives of two 20 something women in New York City.  Your probably thinking, "Hmmm this sounds a lot like Sex and the City."  Here is the hitch, one woman is an Orthodox Jew and the other woman is a Muslim. In both religions it is the custom for marriages to be arranged. Now the fun part is that these women, like many of us, don't meet prince charming right at first.  It was so refreshing to see a love story develop that was clean and innocent.  But friends, I ask my question again - Would you ever agree to an arranged marriage?  What if you had people who knew and loved you the best pick out your future spouse? Something to ponder :)

Something new to listen to at the gym

I have had a gym membership for the past 3 years and am a horrible member.  Well since I climbed my first 14ner I now love going to the gym.  My roommate recommend that I bring my ipod to help me stay focused. WOW - does it ever help! I have been listening to sermons lately and stumbled across this series by Mark Driscoll. I keep finding myself laughing out loud at the gym.  This is a great series on dating. Check it out and let me know your thoughts. Redeeming Ruth

Three times a bridesmaid - never a bride

This coming Saturday will be my 8th time as a bridesmaid.  I know there are a ton more people who can beat my measly 8 times! I remember watching Anne of Green Gables as a young girl and Josie Pye telling Anne "Two times a bridesmaid never a bride."  Of course Anne corrects Josie as the saying goes "Three times a bridesmaid never a bride." I remember thinking that if I wanted to get married to a man like Gilbert Blythe I better not be a bridesmaid too many times. Well, twenty years later and I am on my eighth bridesmaid dress and will have my ninth dress by November. Thankfully I don't believe in silly old wives tales and am still a hopeful romantic. So let's just change the saying to twelve times a bridesmaid - never a bride ;)

Seven Single Ladies at a Baseball Game

"Seven single ladies at a baseball game..." sounds like it is the start to a rhyme or a joke. But it is no joke or rhyme as of yet.   Saturday night I attended a baseball game with a few of my girlfriends.  The ages ranged from 24 to 30.  Each of these ladies were fashionably dressed, fit, college educated, employed, responsible, sociable, beautiful, but all very single.  Any guy would be lucky to be dating one of these women.  So why are these ladies not married?  Could it be that the guys that are doing the asking are not made of quality material?  They just haven't found the right one?  They have too high of standards? Why are these women not being asked out left and right? I would greatly appreciate your thoughts.

Everytime I talk to my grandmother she says...

Today is my Grandmother's 82nd  birthday.  I called to wish her a Happy Birthday.  She immediately asked me what is going in my life.  I explain that since it is the start of a new school year my life is consumed with lesson planning and trying to keep the kids engaged.  Oh and that I am in two weddings in the next couple of months and one of my friends just recently got engaged. Then she proceeds to ask if there are any men in my life.  I once again tell her "No Grandmom, no men."  She responds " Do you think you are too picky?" I once again say, " No, I just haven't found the right one and not that many are asking."  She responds like every time before, "God's doing something."  :)

Walking With Friends

This past week I attended one baby shower, two bachelorette parties, one bridal bouquet making party, a rehearsal dinner, and was a bridesmaid. To say the least, I was exhausted by Monday morning.  But I would do it all again :)  My friends bring so much joy to my life that I am honored to participate in these big life moments with them.   It's all a part of living life with people.

Climbing a mountain and wearing a dress

Dear Friends,
Today I climbed my first 14er! It was the hardest and most challenging physical activity that I have ever participated in.  But I absolutely loved ever second of it!  I hiked with several peers but it was a mix group of singletons and married couples.  As I was heading down from the summit I had this realization that I could care less about how I looked.  I had just completed a great feat! My hair was a mess, no make-up, work-out clothes, and I probably didn't even smell very fresh.  But I didn't care.  I was enjoying my time with my friends and relishing in the fact that we had just climbed to the top of a mountain.  But at the same time I realized that I also really like to wear dresses and feel very girly.  I think for most of my life I have often thought that I could not enjoy both - the outdoors and dressing up.  In hope of catching a man, for most of my life I opted in the thinking of always making sure my outfits and hair were perfect.  I missed out on a lot of great adventures because of this lie I believed in. Ok, here is the added bonus to the story.  Once back in town my good friend and I stopped in the local hamburger stand for a big coke, burger, and fries (that's all we could think about while climbing the mountain).  She brought up the point that it was so nice to be able to hike a mountain one day and be able to dress up the next day. My mouth about dropped! I quickly explained to her that I had the same realization earlier in the day.  I am excited to see what other lessons I may learn from this experience.  I do know for certain that this accomplishment has made me more confident in the person that I was created to be :)  Until next time...

Ms. Single 

In the midst of summer...

Summer is here and in full force.  What happened to June?  It was lived, now it is in the past.  Friends, I gave on-line dating another round.  A close girl friend and I decided to give it another go one late evening (why does it always seem the sporadic decisions happen late at night?). So far I've been on one date and have been matched with a few friends.  I have found that when matched with your friends it can be quite hilarious, awkward, try the dating process, or it is never spoken of.  One attitude that has increased, is judgement. Can these dating sites make you even more pickier??  Or is it wrong to be picky?? Honestly, friends I don't think you can be too picky.  Now don't get me wrong I know that there is no perfect man out there, but a girl has to keep her standards.  I think what worries me is how I go about judging the profiles.  The match may not be for me but they are still a wonderfully created human.  I was convicted of this today as I was reading the devotional Jesus Calling - Enjoying Peace in His presence - by Sarah Young.  Open your heart as your read the entry for July 3. "My Children make a pastime of judging one another -and themselves.  But I am the only capable Judge, and I have acquitted you through My own blood.  Your acquittal came at the price of my unparalleled sacrifice.  That is why I am highly offended when I hear My children judge one another or indulge in self-hatred.  If you live close to Me and absorb My Word, the Holy Spirit will guide and correct you as needed. There is no condemnation for those who belong to me" (Luke 6:37; 2 Timothy 4:8; Titus 3:5; Romans 8:1).

I hope and pray that you all have a wonderful 4th of July!

Miss Single

Another birthday and still single...


For most of my teenage years and my 20's, each coming birthday was another reminder of how I was still single.  Simple sayings such as " sweet 16 and never been kissed" would just reinforce that I was still single.   Something changed on last year's birthday.  I didn't cry.  I was excited about my life. I realized, with the help of my Savior, that being in a relationship did not determine how I lived my life.  I needed to start living,  really living in the present. Do I still have hard days with being single? Of course, I am only human. But they are fewer and less intense.  This past year has been a year full of heartache and growth.  This blog was one of the fears that I overcame.  The fear of being OK with saying "I am simply single."  

How my grandmother changed my opinion of books for professional singles

My dear grandmother called me the other night to inform me that she had just purchased for me the book How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul. My first thoughts were "Not another book on being single!"  This is not the first book on being single that I have received as a gift.  A good friend asked if I was going to read it.  I didn't know how to respond.  My selfish prideful self wanted to respond with "Of course not, I will not lower myself to reading such a book!"  But the more I thought about it my response changed.  My sweet caring grandmother purchased this book for me out of love and I was complaining about it.  She bought it because she cares and wants to see me happily married.  This also made me think how I respond to my friends when they try to help.  I am realizing that many times I respond to being single as if it was a deadly disease. So yes my friends, I am currently reading the book How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul.  Be reassured - I will post my review ;)

The Pre-analyses of the First Date

Maybe this thought processes just occurs among women, but I find myself predetermining how the first date will go or if there is potential for a future. It is absolutely silly.  In the perfect world, one should view the first date as a time as an introduction, nothing too serious (meaning don't start writing your first name with his last name). Also go with the expectation that everyone will be nervous and something embarrassing is bound to happen.  One time, I completely forgot about my parking meter. I left halfway through dinner and ran 6 blocks to put more money in the meter. Then ran 6 more blocks back to the restaurant. In the end, I must keep reminding myself that it is only the FIRST date :) 

The Time My Dentist Made Me Cry

For many people, going to the dentist is an uncomfortable experience.  I actually enjoy going to the dentist.  It is a delightful and rare occasion when I am forced to stay in one place and have nothing to do or nowhere to be. But there was one instance where my dentist made me cry.  My dentist is a one of the nicest people I know and a long time friend of the family.  As he was finishing up my check-up he told me that he noticed something was wrong with my finger.  I was completely caught off guard and started to frantically look at my hands to see what was wrong.  He then took my ring finger and looked at me. I looked at him and in my most happy voice said, “Oh that finger.” He went onto say that they are just concerned for me. I laughed it off and said, “One day.”  In reality, as soon as he took my ring finger my heart wanted to break. I ran out of that doctor’s office as fast as I could before the tears took over.  Plain and simple, it does hurt at times to be single.  I got into the car and the first thing that came to mind was to call one of my other single girlfriends.  Before I could leave a message I started to laugh. My message was probably one of the most ridiculous messages ever left. I did not understand how I could be laughing and crying at the same time.  It did hurt that I was single, but hilarious that my dentist could make cry so.

What my Grandmother said

I stopped by my Grandmother's today for a visit and a cup of tea.  Half way through our conversation she told me about this dating party her church is having in the next week. She went on to explain that you talk with each person for 5 minutes then go onto the next person. I told her that was called speed dating. I then asked her if she thinks I should attend the event. She gave me a little look with a sly smile and said "It might be fun" :)